August

On the cryobank bulletin board someone mentioned something about August being their lucky month..I don't think I'm even going to try this month. For financial reasons and because I think it's just going to be too much for me emotionally. I'm tired starting on my way in already and we haven't done any procedures so... I hate to lose a month but I don't really see much choice here. I'm feeling lost tonight without my Tess..feeling scared really to be here all alone. I wish she was home and I'm not sure she'll even be back tomorrow. I can't call out Monday as I have a serious mandated training for which people are coming down from Albany to conduct though if Willa is really bad..fuck it, I won't go and face the consequence but it won't be good.
My Tess is such a darling. I'm going to try and post a pic of what a cutie pie she is not to mention a sweetheart. Anyhow, I miss her. If I could spend all day with her I would. I think it really was fate that brought us together at a time when I so needed someone...

Tomorrow I had planned to go to a different OA meeting than usual. It would be with Canadians I've never met before. I'm tired and the circumstances of this weekend have definitely changed but then again, I don't want to keep making excuses that halt my progress towards change. Though my goal right now has shifted from weight loss to pregnancy, my desire to be rid of this crazy food addiction continues though I don't know how I'll manage it. The Canadians say I need a sponsor and I know that to be the truth. I drag my feet in all honesty, because I don't want to face the work that lies ahead...it's going to take a lot as this problem has existed for a long time for me. We'll see what tomorrow brings.