I totally lost it today at my mom's ..not screaming kind of lost it but bailed on everyone kind of lost it. I couldn't take being with them any more and it's like I explained to my older sib when they asked me why I was suddenly pissed, I just felt like I was being held hostage. We had gone out to dinner for my mother's birthday which was fine but long and afterwards my sib says we're going to the supermarket to buy shit for my father. I didn't want to go but it was either go with them or drive the car home and pick them up and then, after spending what seemed like an eternity at the supermarket walking on eggshells because younger sib was grouchy, we had to stop somewhere else and then go to my dads.... My sibling and my mother ended up staying at my fathers house. This normally would not be a problem however we still have not celebrated my mother's birthday meaning opening gifts and cutting a cake. It was already 7 o'clock. I go to my mothers house and I'm trying to sort through the huge mess of shit that we have left to do and finally I just lost my cool. It felt like I was never going to get out of there. Of course there was more to it than that but the gist..
It's my fault really because I find myself stressed over the amount of times spend with my family but I have choices. And really, if we delve a little deeper I'm harboring resentments against my two sibs to begin with and though I try to just ignore that piece of it all it's not easy. I need to do more to limit my time with them but then I feel like I spend too much time alone as it is....shit.
I hate when shit like this happens; when I feel like I can't take them any more, I act out, feel guilty, beat myself up, feel confused....ugh...it's too much.
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