J wrote emailed me. She got her period. I go in tomorrow for another blood and ultrasound. Everyone keeps saying you have to be positive but I can't help but feel like this isn't going to work. I went onto Sart.com again to look at the stats. They finally have the 2011 stats and my old clinic did surprisingly well. Not as well as my new clinic but in some areas it was close which just reinforces for me the fact that it's not the clinic, the skills of the doctor, the experience, it's me and my ol' hard boiled rotten eggs. Well, there's nothing I can do about it at this point. The truth is I was hoping it wouldn't come to donor eggs but it appears it will unless a miracle happens.
I'm scared. Freaked really. I so want this to work but my brain doesn't allow me to think it will as I can't take the grief. The inevitable grief that will come either way I know.
Ugh.
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