We finally got a positive from one of the girls in the group....the oldest one of us...wouldn't you know....On her first try. She produced one egg in total...count them....one. They say you just need one good one. The email hit me like a ton of bricks...literally made me gasp. I did what I promised I wouldn't..ran to the bathroom to test.....Negative....big fat bupkis for me. I'm okay...A little bit of pain in my stomach...like the kind you get when you find out the boy you love is marrying somebody else but not as intense...the same though...hits you in the same spot.
I don't want to cry at this clinic tomorrow. It's not the homey caring place like my old clinic where everyone is rooting for you. This is very upper east side...designer handbag...nobody knows your name kind of place. Can't lose it there. I feel like tears are right there but really I've done all this shit before; this mass of emotions. What's the point really?
Right before all this at about 10:30pm my dads aide called...he won't settle down. I talk to him and he's all kinds of confused...."come get me" I hear him yell. I talk to him...calm him for a sec...it doesn't last but a few seconds.
Sometimes I wonder what this life is all about.
I'm so sorry Gemma.
ReplyDeleteThank you Paige.
ReplyDelete