Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

It's been a crazy weekend with one of my sibs falling apart and having had something stolen from their car...not good. They had asked me earlier in the week if I would loan them my credit card for a much needed vacation and they'd pay me with their income tax money. I'll be honest and say I was hesitant though I agreed. I don't think they get that I'm financially pre-occupied right now as I have about 8k worth of sperm on a credit card (which I mean to transfer asap), am unsure if this is the year I get a baby, which would also be financially demanding, and I have to buy a friggin car. I have some savings but it's not like it's tons of money...I have a mortgage and student loans from both my bachelor's and master's degrees..ummmm hellooo.. I found that I couldn't say no though but when I asked that they repay me in a lump sum rather than installments they kind of backed off but then had a break yesterday when the crap was stolen from the car so we'll see. They have an anxiety disorder which believe me I get but sometimes I just wish they would be a little more financially responsible.
Today, I woke up with my own feelings of anxiety for really no good reason. I'm just feeling overwhelmed with all the crossroads I'm encountering in my life at this time. My car is in really bad shape and I'm scared it won't hold up but I don't want to commit to a car that I'll regret if I don't or if I do, for that matter, get pregnant. I found the car I think though I've yet to see it up close and personal.. To my utter shock it's considered a luxury brand though it's not one you see every day. Bumped into it and liked it and used it cost about the same as any other which is kind of strange and I don't really get why that is but it is what it is. I'm just nervous as I hate to put myself in a financial hole. Tomorrow I go back to the RE and we start the IVF process again. I'm nervous...really nervous..more than I thought I'd be..it's working my stomach real good. I just keep hoping and praying that this happens and it's God's will. This could really break me and that scares me. I was looking up the adoption process for Haiti which for whatever naive reason, I thought would be easier, and found that it's quite complicated. When I see my connection I'm going to ask her if it really is as complex as all that. For now, I'm focusing on trying for a bio one. Focusing, hoping, praying, and dying of anxiety!