This was an extremely long weekend...not long in the good way..exhausting long. Last night Lexi, the young girl from work who's 23 year old came over. It was supposed to be "girls night in"..her idea and Kay was supposed to come over. I feel bad for Lex as she works with all old people so we're it in terms of fun..me who's 40 and Kay who is pushing 59 with both hands..Kay couldn't make it. Her son was in the war and right now, he's not doing well so she didn't feel like she could leave him so it ended up just me and Lexi. She brought over, I gag as I think back to it..fruit punch and coconut rum..mix those together and what do you get?...some bad ass puking if you drink too much of that..I limited myself to a tiny bit. It was a nice night but she was here until 1 a.m. and I was tired though I'm usually up that late but not with company. Today we had "brunch" for my father's birthday at some ritzy place my sister's wanted to go to..I put brunch in quotes as they called it brunch but it was 1p.m so....we'd been there before and really..it's good but out of the way and still pricey for "brunch" anyway. Drank too many mimosas, and now after a weekend of too much shitty booze I want to play the crying game. Am trying not to and trying to keep in mind it's the booze crying not me though in reality I think it's a little of both. Another day spent with my sister's where nobody asks how things are going with the baby making...cool right? Fuckers. I promised myself, I am not bringing it up just to be shot down again, and I'm sticking to my word...not that anybody gives a shit but... It wouldn't be so bad if it didn't make me feel so alone. If I was with someone I imagine that it wouldn't be so bad if they didn't ask me as I'd be in this with someone..but to do it alone and not have the support of your family...not a good feeling. We're not having company for Thanksgiving..which is really unheard of in my house so no distractions from each other....suuuuckkks!!
This week I'm working a three day week..which is excellent but I start tomorrow with a management meeting which is not so excellent..worst shit I do at work but hoping it just goes by fast and I can just sit there and do what I have to do and get out...just want the week to go by. Haven't heard anything from my Dr. about going into the hospital for the uterus study..want that done and have to call the cryobank to see when the old guy I was using has more juice available... I just want to get on with this already but by the same token I feel so unravelled at times that I just want to stop and take a break from it all..not sure. I'm going to try to call that therapist that I found, this week. The shit is that when I'm working, as stressful as it is..I feel better and then think well I'm alright I don't need a therapist right now..then I get to the weekends and my real life and I"m hanging on to sanity for dear life..ain't that the way of things. Anyhow..we'll see what this brings..hoping this weekend isn't horrible..trying not to stress out.
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