Just waiting

So at around 3 p.m. I called the RE's office as my doctor had said they'd be contacting me with instructions as to when I was doing the implantation, saying most likely Thursday. The nurse told me I'd have to call tomorrow between 8:30 and 9 to see if I was actually going Thursday or Friday. I explained that my shift starts at 8 and this makes it difficult. She explained the embryos may or may not be ready and they'd have to check on them in the morning...Oh. Well that trumps it's going to be difficult for me to leave work, right? I called my friend Ling who had said she could take me tomorrow to explain and she said didn't think it'd be a problem. I was going to ask Kay again but she's been super stressed and high voltage and right now I need peace and serenity. Ling is not the healthiest emotionally but she's someone who usually does well when dealing with sick people so.. and she was more than willing. I helped her with her children when they were little and still they come over for major homework assignments regularly so she is always saying she owes me which so isn't true..though at one time I saved one of her kid's lives..we joke about this. Those were our days of afternoon cocktails every day and working nights..back when neither of us had any and I mean any money. We had lost contact for a while and upon reconnecting she let me know she had developed a drinkig problem. I always look back and think..thank God I walked away when I did with just the smoking habit and the food issue..alcohol on top of it would have sent me over the edge. She struggles with the alcohol at night mostly..mostly wine. If worse comes to worse, I can drive myself but can't take the valium they suggest you take before the procedure..I really want the valium..so unlike me but I've had enough already. If you saw my body, I have bruises all over my arms, my stomach and one so large on my hand from the IV, a coworker actually gasped today when she saw it..yes..it's been semi-torturous so..valium please!

Anyhow so I'm in a sort of limbo waiting to see and the kind of fucked up part of it is that I had changed my entire calendar tomorrow in preparation for the insemination..rearranged a fairly large meeting and here I am waiting..In truth, I really don't give a shit..I hate meetings...I'm sure the guy who had to rearrange all this feels differently. Speaking of meetings, this morning I went to one as a matter of fact..one of those here's breakfast long meetings. I bumped into a police officer..cute!..who struck up a conversation..when I introduced myself he said he knew me already and recalled 'the incident" that had occurred at work with me. He asked me if things had gotten any better and commented that someone should have taken a bat to my coworker..so of course I fell in love and also fell apart..had to walk away and haven't been right all day..it's just too much still..too painful the whole incident. Waiting for the day when it's little more than a memory.. Made me feel good that the cop felt this way though..like there are still men out there willing to put up their dukes for you..you know? I know this is so anti-women's independance and blah blah blah but sometimes..you need a Knight..even if it's just long enough to take a swing or say he'd take a swing..a girl needs a knight. Anyhow, trying to just keep my eye on the prize here, what's really important..my baby.