I went to see the shrink today at the new RE clinic that I'm using. In case anybody was wondering, I'm using the NYU Langone Center or whatever it's called in NYC...it's supposed to be excellent. Anyhow, they make you see a shrink if you're using anything donor. The doctor was top notch and I say this with some experience as in my previous life, before I did what I do now, mental health was my area of expertise or at least I knew a hell of a lot more than the average joe about it and well..I digress as usual...She was Aces. She actually gave a very good way of explaining to a child how they came about...the long and the short..you explain about how an ovum and a sperm when joined produce an embryo which grows in a womb...she went on to explain how you introduce the topic that sometimes there's a father, sometimes people do it by fucking, basically you explain that although sometimes it a man and a woman it doesn't necessarily have to be. She said if you say the whole thing omitting that concept of normally it's a mommy and a daddy kids tend to just think of this and accept...if you bring up they don't have a daddy this becomes the focus...she of course was much more eloquent and pc but you get the drift. Anyhow it was a great way of explaining it and if I wasn't so exhausted I'd explain it a little better but ..friggin tired. The one thing that shocked me was that she informed me that they don't do 3 day transfers...they used to..but they don't anymore. I thought I'd faint. She explained that they are top notch and are not going to waste the time or money on things that don't happen and if the embryo can't make it to 5 day, what "they" discovered was that they wouldn't have survived any ol' way...that's what "the data" shows..that those embryo that wouldn't make it to 5 never would have become a child any way. WHAT!!!?? My last 3 IVF were 3 day. It made me feel like #1 my last clinic was retarded and #2 I don't have a friggin snow balls chance in hell. I expressed feeling that this was never going to happen. She said, if Dr. Noyes didn't think it would happen she wouldn't have put you through this. She also said with donor eggs, if it comes to that, they only like to put 1 back in, 2 max but really only 1. I said, I'll put in 2. I only have one friggin shot and I don't feel that positive about it at all..I'm getting 2 you freaks. I've gone through 2 1/2 years of poking my ass by myself, commuting to E. Jabib to friggin get this shit and tolerated all the bullshit at work just to have "the Mercedes Benz" of insurance as the last clinic called it and the money to support a child, I'm getting 2. Did I tell you I don't think this shit will work?
In my head, this is what I picture: A big ass cavernous womb and instead of the sticky gooey shit that my last doctor said was perfect for implantation, I have what sneakily looks like the right goop but it's actually a grease pit, developed from all those years of eating crap, that makes the friggin embryo just slide right out from inside and back out into my always pantyliner..yup, that's what I think. So put 2 in mo-fo's so at least when they both slide their asses out they won't be lonely.
I saw my father today. I'm not that thrilled with the night staff lady. She is a doll mind you, and very respectful, sweet and kind however, I always come in when she's in the middle of her own personal shit. She is the only worker who actually lives in with my dad. When I got there I leaned in towards him and asked him if everything was okay...he said he was anxious because of the men out there...she had men moving some of her belongings that she as having send by ship to her native country...I wasn't happy. I talked to him for a bit and left. She called me at about 11:45 to say my father couldn't sleep and kept mentioning D and how he thought D was lost. I spoke to him and explained D was sleeping and fine...he asked why nobody told him D'd been found...frick...totally delusional.. I don't know what to do with that. Aside from that it's getting increasingly hard to care for his business. All the money gets eaten up by the workers we have to pay to care for him 24/7 and it's not covered by his insurance...it's a mess...we're barely making it and I'm having to pitch in with my own money...not good as it's not like I"m not spending it myself. Shit.
So..that's where we're at.
No comments:
Post a Comment