I went into the boss' office today to hand in a time off request as I wanted to leave early so I could visit my father..I have a session tonight and so wanted to make sure I could get everything in. My boss says she will begin questioning my staff as to the allegations made by the chick and her posse a few weeks back. I say, "that's really not how I would like it handled and I don't think it's going to be helpful". She is insisting. I tell her do what she wants. I spend the entire shift crying at the injustice of it all. Take a poll from any worker on their supervisor and I'm sure it's not going to be great...in my office with all the dysfunction it's going to be even worse. I am upset that she takes what they say but doesn't give any weight to what I say. I'm trying to let it go but to say I'm pissed is an understatement and I was close to losing it but gathered my wits by way of Mattie who helped talk me through it. I'm still upset. I can't help but think that all the chaos and bullshit going on has to have contributed to my lack of period. Still nothing btw.. I wish I could leave my job. I can't but I wish I could. I have too much debt and I make too much. I owe a mortgage of almost 200k, 60k in student loan debt, and my common charges on my condo are a ton as well...biggest mistake buying this place and really it's beyond modest...tiny little fixer upper that I've only managed to partially fix up..but it's home and shit happens..can't turn back time.
My goal this year is to get my license. I have an MSW...don't know if I mentioned but I never got my license to practice therapy..never took the test. I have to take a course to more than brush up on the stuff and then try and take it. It'll better equip me if I have to leave. I want to get one more year under my belt so that I'm vested in the system and then if the shit hits the fan take off....This is the plan particularly if there are no babies and it looks like if this period doesn't come back there won't be. When I got my MSW the plan had been to be a therapist but some shit happens for a reason and I'm glad it turned out differently as the agency where I had wanted to work closed down and I would have been jobless at a time when jobs are scarce. But I have to try and get it. It's security for me, or at least some security and I speak another language which would also help me. I also have an "in" at another place that I think would hire me part time.
Anyhow, that's it in a nutshell. I've had enough of these bitches bullying me...taunting me...speaking to me like I'm the shit on the bottom of their shoe. Really had enough but there's nothing I can do. Been hiding in my office...I'm ashamed even as I write it. But I didn't grow up with this type of shit...girl on girl aggression. SOooo not used to it and don't know how not to be defensive and emotional about it.
That's me. A wuss at 41...awesome.
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