I'm reading this book that's called Getting Pregnant When you Thought You Couldn't....magic wand not included. Well, I added the magic wand line. In truth the word THOUGHT is in there meaning this is really for people who aren't sure if they can't but have tried and are pretty much fucked. There are some good parts to this book...there's a question and answer section which is pretty good and there are small, or I should say SMALL sections on egg donation, and trying to get pregnant as a single person. It's an interactive book with some exercises and maybe I'm jaded, let's face it..I'm jaded, but the exercises are really for people who have had minimal contact with a therapist...in short, they're basic. It suggests a sort of journal but emphasizes that it should be used as a tool only and you should not grow dependant on it...hmm, interesting..... Anyhow, all sarcasm aside, it's a legit book, and I've been reading it but like I said, there's no magic wand and if I hadn't bought it on half.com for about $5 total, it would've been a bit of a waste of money. As usual, I digress from what's really on my mind....
Just as I was leaving work today, in a pretty decent mood except for the fact that earlier in the day I had caught of glimpse of me and Kay's reflection as we stood next to each other, all 90 (no exaggeration) pounds of her, next to all (no exaggeration) ridiculous weight of me , .... I bump into a colleague and another chick from an adjoining department. They were outside smoking and here comes the girl from the "big office" who started a small conversation with the girl from the adjoining. Anyhow this girl always stood out to me only because she used to check me out (go ahead and say it's in my head, don't care) but not in the lesbian sort of way just in the what do you have sort of way (the way girls sometimes do to each other), when I first started working there, 60 some odd pounds ago when I was physically at my top, and esthetically at my top as well. Anyhow, in the 8 or so odd years I've been there, the chick became engaged got married and as she walked away the girl from the adjoining shakes her head. As I finish the conversation with my colleague regarding her baby girl who is running a fever and will have to be taken to the blah blah blah by the blah blah blah in the morning, I ask the other girl, "What"...still in a good mood I am...day is not so bad really mentality...She says, I can't believe she just had a baby... Come on man! Really!? Really, fucking really? You gotta be thin as shit, work in the "big office" have a rock on your finger the size of Mount Rushmore as you drive in your 75K car and have a baby. Really??!! My literal answer was, "Oh, I gotta go. Take care guys"....and just shoot me with a fucking gun why don't you, run me over with your ridiculously priced car that even if I had it like that I wouldn't get please....just put me out. But instead, I jump in my 10 year old car, that I love BTW!, and I hightail it out of there as fast as I can just saying God take me home as fast as I can go and Gem, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry and all I could think of is that I would find my relief right here. Right here on my little outlet that the stupid book tells you not to rely too heavily upon. Well, since the book included nothing close to a magic wand, and there was absolutely nothing highlighting the word THOUGHT, I say...Really, it's just an outlet so just shut the fuck up really.
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