Regrouping

I have been in a serious funk. A serious funk I tell you. Some deep shit of sadness and I can't for the life of me recall if this happened the last time IVF failed. It's taking a toll and my fucking job and asshole boss don't help. I can't seem to make myself feel any better no matter what I do so I'm allowing myself to wallow a little but then I have to find a way to regroup. Have to find a way to get my spirits up before the next IVF as I think it'll effect the outcome. I want to feel calm, at peace and just semi-happy at least. I made myself a deal. If there is no baby I'm out. I'm going to finish up with my credentials, sell the condo, pay off as much as I can on my student loans, and get the fuck out. I can find an apartment for less than a grand because really, who needs luxury. Talking to a friend at work about it, she balked and said you'll never make this much, but really, who needs money if you have no kids? You just need enough to live and make sure you're covered for when you retire..that's it. There would be no college loans or any such thing to worry about and I figure I sock enough away monthly now that I can apply to some of my student loans and the like to get me out of debt and outta this job pronto. That's if there is no baby and I hope that there is..I don't care if I'm stuck working in hell forever but please give me my baby God. I also am seriously thinking that after the baby I'm doing lap band. I just can't take the weight anymore. I don't want to get heavier than I am as I'll be entering the morbidly obese category and it's not even that..it's that I'm ashamed of myself and what I look like..ashamed. So after the baby or after if there is no baby..lap band. Hate to do it and I never thought I would but there it is.