Today was the day I was going to call the new clinic. Actually, I was going to call their satellite office in Westchester in order to avoid city traffic but after I looked closely at the NYU clinic's site, they mentioned they were now in cahoots or what have you, with Westchester and Ct. which led me to believe that the stats weren't reflective of the Westchester clinic so I'm going to the NYC one which isn't too far..it's just a bitch to commute there in the a.m. Anyhow, as I read about the consult they explained you would need your records so I bucked up and called my clinic to request that they transfer my case to me, and they explained I needed to write a letter so it's sitting in the visor of my truck and ready to be dropped off later tonight when I go pick up the sib from the bus stop. I also asked if I could donate my meds to them and they said yes, that they use it for people with no insurance which is good as I probably have a few thousand bucks worth of meds in the fridge. Apparently, and this is one of the things I am so grateful for, my insurance allows unlimited meds....can you imagine? Last time the total on my meds came to over $10K...for one cycle!...the clinic said I have the 'Mercedes Benz of insurance'...don't I know it and it is one of many reasons I don't leave a difficult job..I'm being polite by saying difficult here.... Anyhow, I also found out this week that I do get unlimited IUI's covered by my insurance so if I tried that again (and yes I've been playing with that idea) I only have to cover the sperm which is expensive. In my fantasy, the doctor does two IUI's before proceeding to egg donor and it miraculously works. It would seem like a simple decision to try the IUI but I hesitate because of the expense of the sperm and I can't help but think, "am I just humoring myself here or is there really a chance it can work"? Who the fuck knows. I guess I won't know until I speak to the doctor and I'm not even sure they'll take me as a patient. My understanding of a lot of clinics is if they think it's too far fetched a chance they don't want their stats to drop so they don't even take you. Well, I can't waste my time worrying about this shit.
What motivated me to get moving was actually my friend Z. She and Diana came over the other night and Z, who is never really an advice giver, said to me, Gem, forget all the extra stuff and just call...don't think about anything. She is right. You can entertain yourself and really just make excuses for reasons you can't move forward...you can sit in your shit all day long, feel like you're not ready, but the truth is you gotta move past that and just act. I know this from my past really but sometimes you just need a real caring friend to remind you and just shove you forward. Z is the friend who said she'd be my surrogate if I needed it...that's Z, generous, loving, and kind like no other...really kind...not nice, kind.
So that's where we're at. I'm hoping, but doubt that, the clinic will send me my paperwork quick so I can get this show on the road. Kay said she'd go with me into New York as long as I drove as she can't drive in NY...why I don't know but alas, I don't give a shit, I'm just grateful she'd come with me. I don't know how I'd get from A to B without my friends. At this point that's what it's like, just travelling from one letter to the next...small steps towards the goal with a little help (or a lot) from my friends...thank God.
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