Quiet

There's been a quiet in my life this past week; in my life and inside of me. It's  a little unsettling as I'm used to the run run running of my life at 100 miles an hour, never stopping, just moving forward but it's been quiet. I've made no new acupuncture appointment this week and have been laying low after work each day except for the meeting with the Canadians on Tuesday. I've been verbally quiet as well and I guess it's just a time for contemplation and to try and regroup. Dr. B called me on Monday apologizing for not having called me on Friday and told me the films after the HSG exam were clear and that the corners of my uterus seem clear unlike last time which is a good thing, however, she didn't get a clear shot of the body of my uterus and therefore I have to do the HSG test again..fine...I have to wait for my period next month as it has to be done day 7-10 of my cycle...fine. She wants me to use a different place that does the test exactly like she wants..I ask her to please let me do it at the same place as the doctor was nice and I felt more comfortable. She says she'll call the doctor and see if she'll do the test the way she needs and she'll call me back tomorrow but alas she hasn't called and there is a slight feeling of anxiety waiting combined with a feeling of not wanting to know anymore.  A fear of knowing I suppose and of enjoying the brief respite in my life from all that baby making chaos.
There is a new girl at work that took Lexi's place..a nice girl it seems..young. And there is something I am seeing there..some sort of pain I suppose and I feel bad that she is lost in the crazy that is my workplace. I haven't reached out to her the way I normally would with someone new and scared as I work in a place similar to what I imagine purgatory would be..a step up from hell really where people are mean and cunning but it gets you what you need..paid. They're doing layoffs soon, I believe I mentioned..though I heard it doesn't touch us. We'll see... nerve wracking. Anyhow, I want to reach out to this girl but I feel empty right now. In the rooms of OA they talk about how you gain strength from helping others and perhaps this is what I need in my life. I will try and seek her out but honestly, I feel emotionally weak, just emotionally immobile right now. I will try though as everybody needs somebody and being alone is just crippling. I have Kay at work and if that wasn't the case I don't know what I would do. I'll reach out.
Other than that, I'm just waiting. I went on some sites that offer donor eggs and actually looked at some of the donors which was interesting. The one place near me offers egg programs starting at $25K not including meds or any of the IVF procedure...shit. Hoping this works out financially as I've sort of worked it out in my head. Time will tell.