Healthy to survive by or something like that

I'm not posting regularly anymore and I'm okay with this. The fact of the matter is I've come to the realization that I have been pushing myself too hard in all aspects of my life for too long and frankly I have to give myself a fricking break already.

I started a new weight loss whatever. One of the ladies form overeaters anonymous recommended someone to me and I'm on day 5 and I really feel like this is something I can do..for the first time in a long time. The gist of the first plan (she changes them as we go) is carb protein fruit and dairy for breakfast, protein, grain, one raw and one cooked veg for lunch, same for dinner, and fruit and dairy for a night snack. Nothing in between and no breaking up a meal. The lady is also an OA-er and told me to pray for help getting through and as wonky as it sounds I did and it helped.

My next ivf was postponed due to zika virus..can you imagine?! Anyhow, at first I was upset but it's giving me a push to get shit done. Aside from the trying to lose weight thing, I signed up for my licensing prep course. I believe I mentioned this before how I have a degree that would enable me to work as a therapist but I never got my license..how silly is that? Well, not so silly is you were me me at the time. It was cancer and family crisis time at the time and I couldn't handle not one more little thing..not one and so I didn't...really I couldn't. Well, it's never too late though I'm terrified that I will fail and the truth is, I might. I haven't been in school in 10 years so it's not like the subject is fresh but I'm taking the prep course and hopefully they'll have a suggestion. It's embarrassing not to have it and plus, I want it as my backup career and also my dream career eventually...we'll see.

Anyhow, that is it. I'd like to say that I will log in here and keep track of my weight loss like a good little captain but that probably won't happen. I will promise that if this sticks, and if I lose, I will at some point post my losses..not consistently I'm sure but I will.

Today as I drove home from my OA meeting this morning, I thought of The Promises stated in The Big Book of AA, which OA also follows. I had been told if I hung in there they would eventually happen and today for the first time I felt like it was possible.

They state:   

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. 

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

I feel at peace in many areas of my life for the first time.  Not stress free because that's just not my life, at least not today, but I feel at peace about the food at least. I feel like it is possible to get off this fucking merry go round that I've been on my whole life and maybe this is only a temporary feeling, after all, it's not my first go at this, but I feel like this is different. I feel like this is emotional and I'm not freaked and it's a relief to feel that.