Another lovely weekend with the family that ended up with my getting into a heated argument with my youngest sib. This is my version of it, and I say my version because I'm sure my sib sees it differently. So, we're all sitting around the table eating a late lunch/early dinner. I'm on one end near the phone, my mother is on the other with a sibling sitting on either side of her. The phone rings for the millionth time, I take it and hand it to my mother. My sib, sitting to the right of her snatches it from my hand roughly and says hello, apparently exasperated that I didn't say hello and answer it. I shake my head, give them a look and then try to not give it too much mind though I realize it's no longer a pleasant place for me. The phone rings again, I hand it to my sibling who while reaching for it informs me, "you might have to come back tomorrow to help dad with the meds". I say to my other sib who has my ipad and had been downloading something, "Okay, I think it's time for me to go". Sibling with the phone now yells, "Fine. I'll do it. Dammit, you don't want to do anything. I'll do it myself". I say, I've really had enough here today, between having a phone snatched from my hand, and being told what I'm going to be doing. They proceed to scream that they didn't tell me what to do rather they said I might be doing it. I'm yelling now and say what you're supposed to do is ask me if I might be willing to do it. They proceed to denigrate me and tell me I'm mean, I'm nasty, I need meds, I'm a million things. I say they need to look at their own behavior and they repeat the same sentence to me. I said I just said that to you. I go to my car, unload my father's groceries, come back inside and tell them yelling really that I don't need them to be abusive towards me, always sniping, always zinging, they try throwing it back at me and I lose it and tell them I'm tired of their fucking picking on me games, their self righteousness. It's how I feel. I apologize to D who I know will be upset, apologize to my mother for the scene and leave. The thing is I'm not really angry. I'm hurt. I don't know what makes ,my sibling think they can talk to me this way and disregard me because I live close by and just because. I drive home shaking. And listen, could I be wrong about all this? Yes. Yes, I could. But I would never say to my sib, 'you may have to do such and such'....they wouldn't even go for it. I'm just tired of that particular sibling's shit. My therapist believes their behavior is due to their bipolar disorder but why is it I"m always the one left to feel crazy?
So I came home and tried to calm myself down, ate half a huge bag of kettle corn or however you spell it popcorn. Chilled for a little while, received a call from the court to say they would not be open tomorrow due to the hurricane (shit really?), went grocery shopping, dyed my hair even though it was kind of super late to be blow drying it and jumped on here to finish this post.
I"m hoping to go into work tomorrow, finish some statistics I'm working on that my boss is pissed that I still haven't submitted and then hightail it home if it's not super busy. I suppose I'll have to wait and see. I have a bunch of candles in case the lights go out and I'm going to try and collect some water tomorrow in one of my big storage bins so if I lose water I can at least flush the toilet. I have about 4 gallons of drinking water which I think (hope) should be fine and that folks, is my weekend in a nutshell. We'll see what the week brings.
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