I took a home pregnancy test this morning. I just couldn't wait all day to find out....It was negative..*sigh*. Today is day 6 post 5 day embryo transfer (a/k/a: 6p5det). Kay tells me it's still early and maybe it is but I just can't help but think negatively...I think it's negative for real. A part of me is having a hard time believing that and the other part of me accepts it. I cried for a minute this morning...unexpectedly cried while getting ready for work...just a little for myself. I feel so tired...just so tired of all this crazy running around just to get from point A to point B. Nothing, nothing in my life has been easy really and maybe that's true for everyone. It's just me and Tess here...just me and Tess for too long. I'd love to meet someone, love to lose some of this poundage, love to have a baby...all these things that seem to just eventually trickle into people's life with minimal effort...or so it seems. Doesn't really matter. It really doesn't in the grand scheme of things. I would just like something, someone to share my life with ...to make it worth the struggle. Maybe that's too friggin much. It's weird how little grief I feel really. I'm sad but more than that I feel tired...beat down and tired.
I came home to Tess happy and wagging her tail with her ass in the air like she does...she's so funny...she really is just a precious little thing and I'm grateful for her because she makes me happy. I'm grateful.
Maybe this is it....maybe this is it for me. I'm not sure. I thought to myself this morning...even if there was money left on my insurance..and there isn't a dime left...I don't think I could do it again...it's too much...not just the running around...the shots...those mother effin shots...too many and the progesterone with the huge needle in the ass is beyond too much every day....I must have given myself hundreds of injections and still nothing. Crazy. I must be crazy.
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