My fairy Godmother

I went to go visit with my fairy Godmother on Wednesday. She was completely unresponsive and had been so since the previous day when she'd been admitted by ambulance. I cried the whole time there...I've been strong but really how much can someone take. The nurse was eager to speak to me as she said they had no info as no family had stopped by. Heartbreaking. Two nuns had stopped by earlier and I explained that she'd been a nun for over 20 years. I gave them what information I knew and stayed for about 2 hours just talking to someone who appeared to be in a deep sleep. Thursday morning I called the hospital and they explained she'd finally awoken but could not speak though at times could not yes. I went to see her later that day and it was not good. Better than Wednesday but still a far cry from my usually feisty Godmother. I felt awful as I couldn't stop crying and she just stared at me but really, it was the straw that broke the camel's back...just way to much and even as I write this I can't help but feel a deep and guttural sorrow in my chest; feeling too much loss in such a short time.

It's been hard. My younger sib is having a very difficult time. They also had the awful experience of having a long time love who'd they recently broke up with find a new person and tell them it was serious. My sib is very close to a breakdown and I'm seriously worried.

At times it feels as if there's a curse over our family though there have been many blessings there seems to be just a bit too much heartache and troubles throughout our lives. I don't get it but have to think it's some kind of test from God or the fates or what have you.

Just trying to hang in.

I spoke to the girls who are trying. R just had a disappointment and J is going for a retrieval today. I'm hoping to get my application for the donor thing filled out sometime this coming month.