Crabby, frustrated, and plain ol' feeling like shi#

I'm on progesterone which I'm not sure if I mentioned here earlier. I started Saturday and of course it has all kinds of side effects that are basically like exaggerated feelings of your period. I'm crabby as all heck and sensitive and then I fluctuate between the two emotions and just feel plain ol' crazy. I went to see the new therapist last week and again today. Perhaps I'm not in a good place to judge or what have you but this one is a dud as well...when you're cutting me off at every sentence to complete it with whatever is going on in your mind...ummm, yeah,..no!At this point I feel like giving up but I really hate the idea of not having a backup therapist in case I start to lose it. Co dependant? Perhaps but realize I don't exactly get prime adult interaction on a regular basis.. I minimally interact with my siblingss during the week except for "D" and that's not normal adult conversation. My friends all seem to be going through a crisis at the same time so it's not like they need to hear my pidley shit so a therapist is ideal for me and I've had one for most of my adult life. I also have to add that depression runs in my family big time so I also use it as a preventive so that I never sink into a funk too deep to climb out of.

Last night I hung with the Canadians..well, one Canadian and really you can consider her a civilian. She asked me, "Are you sure you want to do this, have a baby?" I told her I was pretty sure. She said that when she was my age (40) she didn't want to have a baby and now she regrets it every day of her life (she's in her early 60's). I told her that I've heard this from a lot of people. Jecca at work who I'm currently not really speaking to, is one of my big motivators for trying..I look at her and can't help but see a sad life. I realize I'm not her and our thinking is different but the end result is..living life for just yourself is not my idea of living life. For some people it may be enought to amass wealth, or have a big house..to me that's all just bull shit. Yes, I need some things but I'm definitely not a keeping up with the anybody kind of person. That's just not what my life is about. So I have to try. I'm currently in my two week wait and will test on Sunday. I don't think I am for whatever reason..I just get the feeling this is going to be as hard as possible for me. Time will tell.