I went to see the Canadians (OA mtg) tonight and nobody showed up...again. I was pissed. I was throwing up all night and have been sick to my stomach all day and dragged my ass the whole half hour there in the dark through the frigging woods and nobody. There was 2 people on the phone line at least so we did a quick 1/2 hour meeting with all 3 of us sharing. Came home and Tess and I took a long walk though in reality it was a little scary as it really is friggin dark around this complex. Came back in to find a phone message from one of the Canadians explaining she couldn't come because she was exhausted and so on...fine fine...this meeting seems to be going to shit...I'd be surprised if it hangs on without disbanding as it just gets no play...it seems Tuesday night is not a good night for compulsive overeaters...maybe they're all home watching the biggest loser...Who TF knows?
Anyhow, went to the IVF class this morning. It was very informative and made me feel positive that there could possibly be more than the 3 tries depending on how many eggs are harvested. Harvest? Is that the right term? Anyhow I came back and googled the percentage rate of women my age (40) becoming pregnant with IVF...15% which isn't fooling anybody. That statistic sucks. I didn't realize it was that low and for IUI it is only 5%...who knew. Well, I'm gonna try and if it's not in the cards, it's not in the cards and I have to move forward with possibly adopting or doing whatever...I don't know what. I had a frank talk with God and told him I'm not sure what is going on with him and I ...what he wants me to do in this life but I pray he shows me the way. As sacrilegious as this may sound, I'm going to see a psychic tomorrow...hoping she can shed some light..it's cheating but I'm hard up right now plus I don't 100% believe..it's fun though and gives me hope that some day my prince may indeed come on a white horse and everything while sitting outside on a picnic bench..no?
Oh, I failed to mention I got my fucking period today...while taking progesterone mind you even though the doctor told me I wouldn't get it..I did...period is stronger than iron I tell you...bitch just keeps coming to rain on my parade..
Well, I've got Tess here munching away on a bullystick..she'll have to do as my child for now..she really is such a sweetheart. Love her to pieces. She sat so still today as I brushed her hair just enjoying it..so sweet that little princess..like a little angel from heaven. I swear God sent her special for me to love as she's been a joy even in times of real sadness for me..
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