Blah blah blah blah blah

Haven't written in a while. Sometimes I think I'm writing, thinking, saying the same shit over and over again. Having the Sunday night blahs again..hate Sunday night as it starts the worrying for Monday for me. I bought four vials of man juice last Friday as my guy finally had some available. It was kind of bizarre last Friday..I had a client come in, and I don't usually see clients anymore but shit happened so I'm seeing this chick and it was one of those situations where you feel like you know the person. So prior to me actually getting down to business with her we're chit chatting and she explained how she'd had lap band surgery recently and so far has lost 40 lbs. As I'm taking her information I see that she also had a child later in life and she explains how her weight contributed to her inability to conceive and finally after several years of marriage she got on clomid and got pregnant. I just thought there were a lot of parallels between the both of us. Of course she is married and I'm single but still...

Anyhow, I have been out of control with the food. I was initially gonna say feeling out of control but this is beyond a feeling..this is all out gung-ho food chaos. Been eating like I've got it like that and I don't know what it's going to take to reign me in. I just want this madness to stop and I'm not sure how to make that happen. Went to the second therapist the other day and boy, so not feeling it. It was another, I've got all the answers therapist. I don't need that shit. I've got some of the answers..I just need support. Made that mistake with my old therapist and she ran my life, became judgmental and I had to run from her into crazyville all by myself...a situation that made me feel even crazier. I want someone like Arlene..yeah she gives you support, gives you information, but lets you figure it out more or less. I'm not schizophrenic here just mildly depressed with a lovely case of PTSD. So I'm going to call the original chick back tomorrow and ask if she'll take me. I have one other non therapist issue with the original chick. Her chair is killing my knees and back. I don't know if I should ask for a hard chair. She is working out of her kids play room and has some sort of beach chairs she is using (yeah, totally high price operation) but the chairs are killing me.

So I've gotta go get my ass ready for work tomorrow. Am going to try to take a day off from work in early September just to chill out. Plus, my friend Kay is off that week and I really don't like going into work if she's not there...yes codependent..whateva!!