The Doc

I love my doctor..my RE that is..have I mentioned this? She's beautiful inside and out and just the nicest person you can ever imagine..seems unreal sometimes. I'm at times a very nosey person..I say at times as there are others where you'd think I would want to know something and I really couldn't care less. So yesterday when I'm sitting with Kay for countless hours she asks me about my doctor..how old is she..does she have kids..where does she live? How the frick should I know. I never thought about it..never thought about her and you know what, sometimes you're better off not knowing. I think if it wasn't for the nature of my job, where you receive more information about people than you would ever want to know..their deepest, darkest and dirtiest, I'd probably be more inquisitive in general but well, it kind of changes stuff for me but when Kay asked, I quickly got to work digging...wish I hadn't. Ended up seeing a pic of her in an intimate pic with her family of her after giving birth. She has 2 children btw, both boys, and a handsome husband who is from the same country as her though his job is not nearly as prestigious as hers...she's early 30's and he's late 30's...I know exact ages but really what I found was too much information. Sometimes, you're better off not knowing that some people are indeed ..just human...lost some of that ethereal quality she had about her though she still is a sweety! You ever meet someone that you wish you could be even a little like? I think..how do you grow up to be a person like this..so nice, caring, loving and beautiful to boot? Don't know..something to strive towards emulating I suppose..(good luck with that one Gem)!

She called me today regarding the plans. She said continue with meds..blah blah and she was thinking..this is what she says..she was thinking I could probably remove these tubes myself..oh lawd!..will be removing them Monday night..myself! sheesh! I figure if I can inject myself in the rear..this should be a cinch..at least I can reach and use a mirror (her suggestion, the mirror).

Went to a meeting for "D" this morning as they are signing "D" up for a work program. They explained "D" felt 12 hours a week would be fine..I said, you know "D" has no concept of what 12 hours is right?..."really?"...yes, really...how bout we start with 8 hours as last time "D" tried working it was 2 hours a week and poor "D" was terminated..poor kid..terminated and devestated. Went to Walmart afterwards..a big trip as it's not that nearby..love that store! can't get over how cheap everything is there...you can buy Jeans for $20..sometimes even cheaper!! Bought a whole bunch of men's long sleeved t's for the weekends...comfy and I don't give a shit what they look like really as I feel gross about my body right now so don't want to spend tons on clothes. Went home and took a walk with Tess but really I think I try to do too much..I have to try and rest more.

Next embryo transplant..I have to take it easy..Doc implied it might not happen until February..that's fine too. Can't stress. I didn't mention that one of my facebook friends..my age...just announced yesterday that she's expecting again..her *cough..6th! She was looking for hand-me-downs...interesting..as I would have never thought to post a request..sometimes I think I'm a bit of a snob that way..expecting everything to be new for a new baby... Got a text today from an ex-coworker (who I don't particularly care for) saying one of her children (2 are currently pregnant..AGAIN!!) is expecting a girl! It's a girl! I really want to write back..who gives a shit you bragging moron??!!! but I can't so instead I just don't reply...can't anymore. Kay says, just think how great it'll be when you can announce yours..I suppose...you know you're a grump when Kay is seeing the glass as half full as opposed to you..Gonna try to stay positive. I do feel hopeful. Felt hopeful after hanging up with the doctor. She told me they had to remove more of the fibroid than they thought..it isn't a separate fibroid like Kay said, it's actually the one on the outside that's growing into the inside...lovely..whatever. I hope that if I do get pregnant I can ask the ob/gyn to do a c-section and remove the fibroid at the same time. My thinking is my chances of a c-section are high because of my weight...might as well kill two birds with one stone as the fibroid is too large for laproscopic surgery..it's actually larger than my uterus..scary so I want it out..don't need anything in me that might in any way be cancer. Waiting for pathology on the D&C which scares me...the word pathology itself scares me now..don't find anything please! So that's that..Monday tubes come out which I can't wait as it's beyond even describable of what it's like though not the worse thing I've ever had..thank God..just want to be able to feel like I don't have to walk gingerly with something hanging between my legs.

Oh, my sister called me today...surprising..but it was good to connect. Have to accept was is given rather than be disappointed that the connection didn't have what I was looking for. It is what it is and I have to be grateful as I need my family..disfunctional as it may be..