So I'm on day 10 post IUI and I'm thinking..I'm going to test tomorrow as the anticipation is killing me and I can't keep thinking I am pregnant and making this imaginary baby real. She saved me wasting a test stick as the bitch came early. I should have known as I felt mild cramping on two occasions today but I was holding onto hope for dear life and lo and behold I come home from my mom's about 15 minutes ago, go to the bathroom and voila, by the power of television, there on my pantyliner is a red mother friggin trace of that bitch. I realize I'm lucky I still get my period as there are some people with fertility issues that don't but I was so hoping not to have to do this again...yes, me and about a million other people in my same boat. I have to tell you something that really shocked me..upon seeing the blood there on the tissue, though I wasn't truly surprised, what did surprise me was how painful it was to see it. It instantly brought tears to my eyes and I'll admit as I write this that it's still painful. I have got to continue though and just move on with it. I can't imagine it not happening. If it doesn't it's on to plan B... a change of careers and a simpler life..if it's just going to be me it's not worth all of this aggravation. Sometimes I think to myself that I am sabotaging my chances with this weight or maybe it is that I'm just not supposed to get pregnant..but I know how my life has been...it's mostly been a series of things coming extremely easy or extremely hard; no in between, so I just thought it would either be crystal clear that I can't or a quick and easy fertilization. I have 2 more vials put away and someone offered to sell me 3 other vials though how I would get them to my RE safely is something to consider.
I saw my new therapist this past Wednesday and I hate to admit it but I think this is a bust. She sucks. We spend practically the whole session going over her accomplishments with some minor comments about my life. I left there pissed. I think people in practice forget that therapy is not just a conversation. Anyway, I'm not even going to get into it..suffice is to say I have to look for someone else..she is not the one. Even writing about it pisses me off.
So that's my week in a nutshell besides the bullshit that happened at work. It's been a doozy of a week which started off with me escorting Jecca out of my office...yes, that kind of week...just not my week I guess. A beginning with an ending to match though we still have Saturday..God help me.
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