Today I gave myself my second injection of the follisitim 300 mgs/? I'm not feeling so hot today emotionally and I'm not sure if this is due to the meds or due to me. I had a very stressful day at work trying to decipher greek that the boss gave me..blows my mind that she gives me shit she should be doing and I have no idea about. If I worked at a regular company it'd be one thing but I work for the government so this shit is important but oh well, I do what I can. I called up another head Government worker in charge of the project my boss gave me and she was stunned that I was working on it let alone working on it by myself..sho the fuck knows..this is just a crazy place to work but I'm grateful for the job. Tomorrow I'm calling out..something I hardly ever do...maybe 2 to 3 times a year...it makes me feel guilty so I don't like to do it. I just need a day to relax and catch up with myself so to speak. I feel extremely emotional, though in truth, I was feeling this way earlier in the week but my period is over and today it's worse than ever. So I was wondering if it was the injections or the fact that I'm feeling incredibly lonely this week particularly at work...not sure. Kay has been out and thankfully Mattie came in this week...(this is the older lady who is from an outside agency assigned to help me). She's a doll and not your typical grandma (she's in recovery over 20 years from hard street drugs) but she has good words of wisdom though at times she's talking out of her ass and makes the shit up, but I like her. She asked me today why I find it easier when she's there as she doesn't do too much and I explained that the staff behave differently when she's there. I'm not sure if it's because she's older or if it's because there's a witness but they don't go off on me and aren't mean to me..they really don't confront me on shit so I like it as I really can't stand when they do that..it's hurtful to me as I really do try and be nice to them.
Right now, when I'm trying to have a baby, I really need to stay as stress free as possible and my job makes that very difficult. Between the staff and my asshole boss it'd be bad enough but add that the job itself is demanding and stressful and it can send anyone over the edge. So I was glad for Mattie this week and it just so happens that tomorrow she won't be there so me being out works out.
Aside from Mattie, I really didn't talk to anyone today. I had a conversation with Ollie who is on his way to Florida from Texas with all of his belongings but it was all about him..rightfully so, as he is going through something major and his sister was also listening in so it's not like I want to say anything personal for her to hear but I felt like I just needed to talk to someone. I tried to call Diana but she wasn't working tonight and wasn't picking up her cell. The fact that she wasn't at work makes me believe some shit must have hit the fan as she never calls out. Her brother has stage 4 cancer and her mom is also just recovering from cancer. It's such a fucked up situation on top of what she's already going through. She has had a rough life. She had another brother who jumped off a bridge and killed himself..heart breaking stuff. Kay comes back tomorrow and I'm glad though she doesn't have shit easy right now either as her son, the military vet, is going through some serious shit..not good. It's hard when everyone is going through something to find with whom to vent shit. The crazy therapist called me back finally..seeing her next week..thank God. So that's it in a nut shell.
Tess is still not 100%...puked Sunday, ate Monday and Tuesday and puked today.
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